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How to survive the death of a loved one


My good friend recently buried her beloved husband. They lived in marriage for 26 years, survived a lot, but remained true friends. In the evenings, she includes sad songs and yearns. Seeing off guests, closes the door, and tears in his eyes. Tears about whom not to return.

Watching her, I thought: “How is it to lose a loved one?” The topic is very sad, but relevant. Many women all over the world escort loved ones to the "last journey." Maybe someone, having read this article, will gain strength and begin to live on!

First you need to understand that death is a crisis for us, and crisis is a suffering through which we must pass in order to grow spiritually. The death of a spouse or loved one should not cause permanent depression and illness. After all, if the deceased was alive, he would like to see us strong and courageous. So take courage to overcome this!

You must not allow yourself to be tormented by memories. Do not scroll through your head quarrels or reconciliations, your kisses and romantic evenings. By doing this, you pick your own wound, while not letting go of your loved one. You mentally bring it back to you, again and again. But you can’t do this! It is important to understand one thing: if God took the person right now, then the person is ready to go into eternal life, and this should not be interfered. And your time has not come. So you are not ready!

Here at this stage, you need to revise your life positions, goals and deeds. Under no circumstances should you forget your beloved, but you should change your lifestyle. Believe me, along with the old way the bitterness of loss will go away! Remember the work "Old World Landowners." Five years have passed since the death of Pulcheria Ivanovna, and Athanasius Ivanovich recalls this, as if it were yesterday. Here is an example of true love and fidelity, it did not cool down, time could not heal wounds, because love is eternal.

From this pair you need to take an example of love to the last beat of the heart. But do not, like Afanasy Ivanovich, sit and wait in the wings! You need to change yourself and your life. Accept that death is inevitable. Our time will come, so let's live our life brightly! It is so strange that a person understands that death is waiting for him at the end of the path, so you need to strive for life, enjoy it, and he, with his sorrows, depressions, brings himself closer to death! It’s sad ...

Dear loved one. The funeral. Wake All relatives parted and you were left alone. What to do next?

1. Observe yourself, analyze. Remember what you did with your spouse. Learn to do it without him. You need it!

2. Cry! Do not be afraid. If everyone around you insists that you need to fasten - do not listen. The first time is always the hardest, so do not keep the tears in yourself. Let yourself be discharged emotionally!

3. Share your feelings! Girlfriends, relatives, children, helpline ... It doesn’t matter. Talk, talk about your loneliness, loss. The main thing is to choose the right listener! It is desirable that this is a person who understands and supports.

4. Write. You can write poems about your feelings, about feelings for your beloved. You can write him a letter! Keeping a diary can also alleviate suffering.

5. Try not to disrupt the daily routine. It’s important not to skip meals, even if you don’t want to. Take care of yourself! Do not forget to look after your appearance. The external is a reflection of the internal, but we need the internal state to be good.

6. Do not seek solace in alcohol. It never brought to good. If you hide from yourself, from your problems, then you will not have the strength to solve them.

7. Look around, a lot of people need help. These are orphans, and sick old people, and people who have lost a loved one, like you. Maybe you should give the world a little good? Visit shelter children, talk with them. Visit the lonely old women.

You will feel that someone needs you, which means it’s worth living!

What do losses teach

Fear and pain of loss are the two most destructive human emotions. They devour a huge amount of our emotional, mental and physical energy and doom us to suffering. Why?

Our basic necessities of life are the need for security, pleasure, freedom and recognition. In the hope of satisfying them, we earn money, acquire things, strive to enter into one or another relationship with people, make a career and achieve a certain position in society.

We believe that without all this, you cannot be happy. And as a result, we find ourselves depending on what we have. We cling to our property, money, connections and position, because we are afraid to be defenseless in the face of the surrounding hostile world.

The ability to adapt to changes without clinging to the past is important not only in terms of personal and spiritual growth. Thanks to her, we can save ourselves from suffering. The old must give way to the new. This law is relevant both in the material and in the spiritual world.

If the blood stops flowing through the veins, the body dies. Stagnant water deteriorates. To refill the jug, it must first be emptied. Attachment to what we have makes it impossible for us to move to a higher level of awareness.

A child ceases to be a child when it becomes an adult. A tree grows from a seed. A caterpillar is selected from a stationary cocoon, which then turns into a butterfly.

From this point of view, any loss is an opportunity to show one’s inner strength and realize that this force is much greater than we previously imagined.

Very important lessons follow from losses.

Let's look at what lessons we can learn when we lose something important, such as a watch, a wallet, documents, jewelry, work, social status, our own home, a camera, furniture, etc. (we already touched on the loss of a loved one earlier).

  1. The easiest lesson we can learn from losing something is to understand how much that is lost is valuable to us. Very often, we don’t even think about it until a loss occurs.
  2. Another lesson is that often in reality we do not need to lose what we used to think, and, having passed through this test, we can still live and enjoy life. Any attachment makes us weaker. Losing the object of our affection, we get the opportunity to realize that we have more strength than we thought.
  3. We can also realize the following: nothing in the outside world can give us an unchanging sense of security, satisfaction, and self-confidence. Everything is transient.
  4. We can learn to enjoy the benefits of life without becoming attached to them. Remember the example of a bird that was resting on a branch. When the wind came, threatening to break the branch, the bird was not afraid, because she was confident in her ability to fly and did not forget that there are many other, stronger branches. In the same way, we can enjoy the benefits that life gives us, but at the same time remember that we have enough internal strength to live happily and without them.
  5. We can learn more caution, which will help us avoid losses due to our own inattention.
  6. We may have to analyze the hidden meaning of our loss. What is life trying to teach us by taking away what is dear to us? What does this signal say about our life, actions, lifestyle?
  7. We can learn to return the lost or even fight for it (without aggression and without becoming dependent on the results of our efforts). This means doing everything possible to return the lost, while at the same time being ready to accept the changed reality in case of failure. One must be able to defend one's own interests without undue anxiety and fear.
  8. We can also believe in the wisdom of God, which will help us realize the following: nothing happens that would get out of the control of the just and wise forces of the universe. Belief in the Divine Plan allows us to accept what is happening as the best incentive for spiritual evolution of all that has ever taken place.
  9. We can realize that only God is the universal source of all that exists, gives and takes everything that we have, and learn to obey His will. We come to this world naked and leave the same from it. Everything that we have accumulated over the course of our life is given to us for the sake of our survival and spiritual growth in this world.
  10. We have the opportunity to identify the negative beliefs that led to the loss. For example: “There is a lot of evil in the world”, “I cannot keep my job” or “I am not able to protect myself.” Such beliefs can cause loss, so that these losses once again confirm their "correctness."

These and many other lessons can be learned from any loss. We win by agreeing that everything in our life is not without reason.

Then it’s worth considering how to turn the fact of loss into potential emotional, intellectual and spiritual capital, which will allow us to become aware of ourselves, awaken our inner strength and get rid of any external props.

Concerned about what we do not have, we lose what we have. When we feel gratitude for everything that life gives us, any loss seems insignificant.

2. Why categorically it is impossible to shout at children

She won’t even shout at anyone who was just born and all so helpless. Affection passes when he grows up a little and begins to show his character through his innate properties (vectors). Parents, not understanding his innate features, begin to shout.

But a cry is a natural signal of danger and threat to life, a signal that one needs to be saved. It seems to parents that the scream acted because the child stopped doing something, but in fact it is not. He received tremendous overstress, shock: he was frightened, squeezed, carried out the order on the machine. And he received a powerful trauma that impeded his development and trust in his mother, and then to the world.

Children react differently to screaming. But the fact that their mental development is slowed down is for sure. And some babies can even be diagnosed with autism from screaming, although they are supposed to be geniuses from birth. Therefore, education with a whipping and screaming is unacceptable.

There are no upbringing without comments. Only they must be done reasonably: not just ban, but give an alternative - what can be done.

3. It is important when raising a child - to teach him to share food

Man is a social form of life. We live among other people, communicate and develop in society, and it depends on the ability to build relationships with others whether a person will have a good fate or not. We don’t think about it, but the basis of any communication is a common table and food.

This usually happens naturally. The baby begins to treat mom, and she must at this moment show her pleasure and accept the treat.

But often parents make a mistake and react to rejection at the first timid attempts of a son or daughter to treat them. By rationalizing this, “all the best for children!”, And we don’t need anything.

Proper education is the ability to receive joy from interacting with others, and the best form of this interaction is the habit of sharing food. Teach your baby to share his favorite sweets - and you will provide him with psychological health for life. How to do it?

4. Books - a ray of light in the darkest kingdom

So we live among other people. And very soon your child will step into the world. And the most important thing that we can teach the baby is to choose our environment, choose friends. After all, it is the environment that creates the person, most of all affects him.

“Man is a conscious and sensual life form,” says systemic vector psychology. At an early age, mostly - sensual, awareness appears later. Therefore, the upbringing of the baby with long and tedious lectures “with that friend, and do not lead with it” will not help. The child simply does not understand what you are talking about.

System-vector psychology suggests taking a different path. Through reading books in childhood. Feeling positive, the child will want to return to them again. And he will ask to be revered. To teach the kid to read BEFORE school is a separate art.

But to teach reading is one thing, and instilling a love of reading is another. To instill a love of reading quality literature - this is the education of feelings.

By showing the child the wonderful world of books, you awaken his feelings, thereby giving him the unique chance to always choose a worthy environment.

Watch good cartoons with children and discuss the actions of heroes. Ask simple questions. Who would you like to be friends with? Who did you like best in this tale and why?

And even if it happens that there will be no worthy people nearby, thanks to the books, the child will always have a reserve environment in the form of smart writers with high moral guidelines.

5. Parenting begins with the state of mother

We can teach the kid anything, but where is the guarantee that three languages ​​and reading diagonally will make him happy? The most important thing that a mother should give her baby is a sense of security and safety. And this is possible when she herself is realized, happy, understands herself well and can pass this confidence on to her child.

No matter how fashionable techniques are used, if mom is stressed out, afraid of tomorrow, is not satisfied with her personal life or is full of apathy, this affects her little treasure - he cannot develop fruitfully and reveal all potential, psychosomatic reactions and difficult behavior appear. A child from childhood forms his attitude to himself and the world precisely on the basis of a sense of security and safety from his mother.

See one of the feedback from the training participants:

Raising a child is happening now, are you involved in this or not

Parenting is a whole complex of actions. From an early age, the task of parents is to sow these magic seeds, which subsequently give amazing shoots - mental health and the ability to live among people.

These simple actions can be performed by any mom easily and playfully. Well, if you still would like more - to understand the unconscious desires of your children or want to understand how you can not scream at the child, then urgently sign up for a free online training in systemic vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Posted by Victoria Vinnikova, a math teacher

The article was written using the materials of online trainings in systemic vector psychology of Yuri Burlan